A letter for you

Hal,



For almost five weeks, yesterday was the first time we were in the same room, not to mention we bumped into each other more than twice. I admit, I froze and as a matter of fact I was still in awe until I left the office. I do have a confession to make. The thought of seeing you again has been hanging over my head, ugh. I’ve been trying to picture what would be the best scenario that can happen if we see each other. Of course none of my ideas came to reality yesterday.

I now realize that it wouldn’t be you to wave at me first or to nod or even say hi. No judgment but I just thought that’s not your kind of thing. It was really more of my thing. And yes, I should have acted maturely and at least said hi to you. I wanted to know how you were doing. I wanted to hear you are doing great and having a fabulous time. I was somehow hoping to get that feel of exuding happiness from you.

Okay, I’ll let all my guards down right here, right now. I mean after all, what’s the point of still keeping something from you anyway? You know from the very start I’ve been very open of what I think and feel towards you, us, and our situation. I guess it really wouldn’t make much of a difference now. So there goes my disclaimer. Jeez, my thoughts are all over the place! I’ll just go with the flow here.

There have been so many times that I looked up your name on my cellphone soooooo tempted to call you or just send you an sms. Buy hey, I’ve been able to keep a good job in my self-restrictions you know hehehe. I feel that there’s just so many things that I want to tell you. Surprisingly, I am not expecting that there’s still something left out from your letter that you have to tell me. When I read your letter, I never shed a single tear. I thought I was brave. I thought it was a good sign that I’d be able to move on rather quickly and forget about you… until yesterday. I was wrong. It all dawned at me that the feelings have not in any way been gone at all. It may have just been my ego that said “you were just someone I used to love”. When I got home, I didn’t want to reach the point that I had to sleep or be alone but I had to. That moment, I cried. I cried not really knowing the reasons why. It just felt like there was a huge pile of block on my chest. There were questions that I’m not sure I want answered. There were thoughts and hopes that things will get better. But who the hell knows what’s gonna happen?

I want to ask you if we can at least be friends, though we were really never friends before so… I’m not even sure if that is a good idea, at least for now. If we become friends, for sure I’d have to deal with the fact that I cannot hold on to any possibility of us getting back together again. Of course this is my problem, not yours. Question is, can I handle that? I think I could answer my own question now. Part of me is still hoping that there could still be a chance for us this time around. I’m torn between my promise of not easily giving you up and what should be the ideal decision – letting go completely. It took a great deal of courage for you to come to terms with what you really feel towards me and our situation when you wrote that letter. Doing it in person might have been too much for you to handle. But really, I appreciate your honesty. I don’t want to argue with you and what you wrote because those are your thoughts. You actually made your point pretty clear on that letter and I’m not sure if you would have been able to do just the same if you were telling me everything in person (that is, while witnessing how my heart breaks while I cry buckets of tears maybe).

A good friend of mine once told me how come I still have feelings for you. He was telling me it might help to think of the not-so-good things you’ve done to me or the things about you that tick me off. Thing is, all those were part of the reason why I loved you, why I still do. It wasn’t just all about the good stuff about our relationship or your good side that I have accepted and loved. It also included what you were not able to do or say, it didn’t matter how many times I had to say okay if we can’t see each other, or the things about you that made me angry. After all, these defined you… the ‘you’ that I’ve learned to love. Tell me, should I just let go of my promise to you? You never really asked me to stop loving you. You never asked me to undo everything. And even if you did, I’d probably still go the other way.

Anlabo mo namang kausap

This is so funny but true! Come on, everyone is I bet guilty of at least a couple of these shady replies.

Example ng mga hindi tamang sagot sa maayos na tanong:

1. Kumain ka na?
-Busog pa ako.

2. Anjan ba nanay mo?
-Bakit po?

3. Anong oras klase mo?
-Mamaya.

4. San kayo galing?
-Diyan lang... dun!

5. Paano mo ginawa yan?
-Madali lang.

6. Bakit ka wala kahapon?
-Absent ako

7. Anong oras na?
-Maaga pa!

8. Saan ka na?
-Andyan na ko, wait lang!
-Malapit na.

***Lifted from one of those spam emails... hehehe***

How to deal with “moving on” issues

Let’s first set some perimeters around here. If you’ve been dumped, stood up (on dates even) or cheated on, then I guess you better read on. Maybe we can include those suckers for romance who somehow get wound up with people who can’t commit, those poor souls that experience unrequited love, those in long-distance love affairs that can’t seem to work, in other words all that other people would normally give their sympathy to. Perhaps one should automatically come to his senses when any of the above happens to him. Perhaps there really would come a time when we should ask ourselves, “is it time to move on?” Here’s what I have:

1) Have a solid support group of friends whom you can vent out to. These people most likely are the ones who know the ins and outs of your life and the love department too. Once you get to pour out your emotions verbally, try to not have the same conversations over and over again. And let them swear that no reports about “the one who must not be named” should be shared to you even if you twist their arms.

2) Don’t hesitate to cry or even do the über melodramatic and Oscar-winning moment but please do it privately and sparingly if not once.

3) Avoid “forbidden” places and people. You don’t want to get yourself caught off-guard with that “WTF! What am I gonna do?” look on your face.

4) Get rid of anything that will remind you of your sweet memories – pictures, gifts, etc. Even the mp3 files on your cellphone! But don’t overdo it though, there’s no need to return the gifts given to you, just keep them in a storage room or something.

5) Don’t watch movies that have love story themes. The funny or scary ones usually come in handy.

6) No looking out the window while it’s raining outside (and love song playing in the background). Oh please, this is just so pathetic!

7) If there’s an obvious pattern on the relationships and dates you’ve had, try to indulge yourself with some change the next time around.

8) Keep yourself busy and productive. Take on new and exciting projects at work. Engage yourself in a new hobby. Read books. Go on out of town trips.

9) Don’t let yourself be left alone. Always tag along your best pal with you! This is not just to keep you company but to immediately safeguard you from any untoward events of bumping into someone you’re not ready to see. Of course, proper orientation and briefing applies to the helpful friend.

10) Avoid people who talk negatively about love, relationships and their ex’s. Bitterness is so 12 years ago! The last thing you want to feel is this after being heartbroken you know.

I’m sure there’s a whole lot of ways to deal with moving on issues and yes, they may vary from person to person. What may work for some may not necessarily work for others. One thing will surely remain common though, once someone DECIDES to move on (and be successful at it), it damn feels so good to fall in love again!

My Nephews

Gabriel and Miguel already gave their Tito Jai one helluva time when they were playing -- Jai's jeans got ripped! Don't ask which part! Lol.

The kids with Tito Donn.