YES... It's over but not quite

It was the eve of our 3rd month when I pulled the plug.

It was during my birthday week (the week after our supposedly 3rd month) when I finally came to my senses that I could not go on this way. I'd like everything to be back to where we were before.

I need not write the details here but one thing is for sure -- no matter how hard I try, no matter how much thinking and planning I make, it still boils down to one fact -- I still love TLC. I don't know how or until when, I'm holding on to whatever I have and whatever I can give.

To you:
Cliche as it may sound, if time and space is what you need, sure you now have them. I just hope you realize how much I love you so. It hurts so bad... but what else can I do?

Just let me love you the way I know how... nothing more... nothing less...

Even if… Because…

Even if you play dumb…
Even if you are vain…
Even if you are stubborn…
Even if it irritates me sometimes to make you brush your teeth…
Even if it drives me nuts to make you cut your nails…
Even if you don’t read books…
Even if you don’t understand motion pictures…
Even if you are talkative…
Even if you behave like a child most of the times…

Because you are witty more than you’ll ever know…
Because I’m learning a lot of things from you as well…
Because I simply love the way you look…
Because you like to be taken care of…
Because I like to take care of you…
Because you are not ashamed of what you do not know…
Because you know how to learn new things…
Because you like pictures and drawings, no dialogues…
Because you want to be heard…
Because I like to hear your thoughts…
Because you bring joy and laughter…

Even if it might sound Greek to you… I’m saying all these
Because these are just some of the thousand reasons why I love you…

I used to think...

01 May 2006

Lately I’ve been learning to unlearn some things for various reasons. I guess I'm already at the mature stage where I wouldn’t think that I’ll be at the losing end. For the longest time, I think I’ve operated in a WIIFM scheme especially on big things that I’ve to put so much time and effort on. Yeah, yeah… call me selfish or childish but that’s how I am.

Guess what, I’m trying to do a recall of the things (so far) that I’ve started to unlearn – in other words, have adjusted to, sacrificed, compromised, gave up. Oh yes, even I couldn’t believe it myself. For the right reasons… for the right person…

I used to think that in relationships, both parties would have to invest equal time with each other (or at least have the equal effort of trying to).

I used to think that you have to know all the things that both of you are doing for each other.

I used to think that you can’t say NO to the one you love.

I used to think that lovers will find it really difficult to be friends too.

I used to think that a self-centered person can be selfless for the one he loves.

I used to think that I cannot fight for the one I love.

I used to think that my dreams and aspirations will be absolute as I reach them – no negotiations applicable.

I used to think for “me, myself and I”, now there’s also “us and we”.

I used to think that I’ll never fall in love again…

TEN Things I hate about you ... (with rebuttals)

TEN things I hate about you…
TEN things I hate about you… " the resbak"

1) You don’t eat your breakfast but you always remind me to have mine
1a) You always remind me to eat my breakfast just to let me think that i must tell you to eat yours too!

2) You can’t cut your nails on your own without being forced to do so
2a) You do cut my nails but I end up doing it myself.

3) Most of the time your approach to anything and everything is like a laughing matter
3a Most of the time you are very serious and you dont have any past time just to make you happy. thats why im trying my best to make you feel better.

4) You make me “pikon” first before you show up and tell me it’s a surprise
4a) You are always pikon even if you already knew that it was a surprise just to prolong the climax of what you’re feeling at that moment.

5) You just keep my “notes” and never write back
5a) You always give me notes and letters even if you know that i hate to read. but im taking some time and consideration by reading those msgs that you give me.

6) You take a ride home with me and then ask the driver to drop you off elsewhere – and you’d just say “bye” and leave me with a goofy smile
6a) You take me for a ride and simply convince me not to leave you and secretly tell the driver that he must not stop whenever, wherever.

7) You mimic me with what I’m supposed to tell you. In fact I think you’ve come to memorize my usual lines on you
7a) You are always reiterating all the things that you've been saying that’s why I’ve memorized all those lines.

8) You don’t tell me what’s going on your head most of the time
8a) You dont know how to figure out whats going on in my mind and then you'll end up being pissed and pikon.

9) You don’t know how to say “NO” to other people (oh yes, including your friends)
9a) You dont know how to understand me -- why and what are the reasons why i say YES to them -- in fact i know that, that must be a NO NO.

10) You simply know how to make me not mind everything I just said by letting me know and making me feel how much you love me
10a) You simply dont know how to mind something thats why this secret is now the no1 talk in this community and you are very conceited because you know that i love you so.

Hmmm… what the heck, I guess I wouldn’t love you as much as I do if you don’t have the ten things I hate about you…
Hmmm... what the heck, I guess I wouldnt love you as much as I do if you dont have the ten things I hate about you too...

TEN things I hate about you...

TEN things I hate about you…

1) You don’t eat your breakfast but you always remind me to have mine
2) You can’t cut your nails on your own without being forced to do so
3) Most of the time your approach to anything and everything is like a laughing matter
4) You make me “pikon” first before you show up and tell me it’s a surprise
5) You just keep my “notes” and never write back
6) You take a ride home with me and then ask the driver to drop you off elsewhere – and you’d just say “bye” and leave me with a goofy smile
7) You mimic me with what I’m supposed to tell you. In fact I think you’ve come to memorize my usual lines on you
8) You don’t tell me what’s going on your head most of the time
9) You don’t know how to say “NO” to other people (oh yes, including your friends)
10) You simply know how to make me not mind everything I just said by letting me know and making me feel how much you love me

Hmmm… what the heck, I guess I wouldn’t love you as much as I do if you don’t have the ten things I hate about you…

I believe that angels brought me here

I Believe
by Fantasia Barrino

Have you ever reached a rainbow's end?
And Did you find your pot of gold?
Ever catch a shooting star?
Tell me how high did you soar?
Ever felt like you were dreaming,
Just to find that you're awake?
And the magic that surronds you,
Can lift you up, and guide you on your way.

I can see it in the stars across the sky.
Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before
Now I finally realize.
You see I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive,
And finally,
I believe

When you look out in the distance
You see it never was that far
ohh no Heaven knows your existance
and wants you to be everything you are
ooh theres a time for every soul to fly
its in the eyes of every child
its the hope the love to save the world and ohhh we should never let it go

chorus

(Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah)
I believe in the impossible,
If I reach deep within my heart (Yeah)
Overcome many obstacles,
Won't let this dream just fall apart
You see I strive to be the very best,
Shine my light for all to see
Cause anything is possible,
When you believe ( I Can see it in the stars across the sky)
Yeah, yeah (Dreamt a hundred thousand dreams before)
Now I finally realize
You see I've waited all my life for this moment to arrive
And finally
I believe
ohhhhhhh yeah
I believe
Oooooh Yeah Yeah
(Love keeps lifting me higher)
I believe in love
(Love keeps lifting me higher)
higher higher higher higher

(Love keeps lifting me higher)
yeah-hea yeah-hea hea hea hea yeah
(Love keeps lifting me higher)
Love keeps lifting, love keeps lifting me higher
(Love keeps lifting me higher)
You oughtta try it for yourself
lifting me higher yeah yeah
(love keeps liftin me higher)
i believe i believe in love
(love keeps lifting me higher)
love yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
(love keeps lifting me higher)

higher higher higher higher higher
(love keeps liftin me higher)
love keeps liftin love keeps lifting me higher


Angels Brought Me Here
by Guy Sebastian

It’s been a long and winding journey,
But I’m finally here tonight picking up the pieces and walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory where my heart and future lies
There’s nothing like that feeling when I look into your eyes

My dreams came true when I found you; I found you, my miracle

If you could see what I see
That you’re the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel the tenderness i feel
You would know it would be clear, that angels brought me here

standing here before you
Feels like I’ve been born again
Every breath is your LOVE
Every heartbeat speaks your name

My dreams came true right here in front of you my miracle

If you could see what I see
You’re the answer to my prayer
And if you could feel the tenderness i feel
You would know it would be clear, that angels brought me here

brought me here, to be with you
Ill be forever grateful, oohh forever thankful

My dreams came true when I found you my miracle

If you could see what I see
You’re the answer to my prayers, oh...
And if u could feel the tenderness i feel
You would know it would be clear that angels brought me here

You know i love you baby
And if you could feel the tenderness i feel
You would know it would be clear, that angels brought me here

Jeff’s Simple rules of trust and friendship

1) Don’t put your friends in the limelight of gossips.
2) If trapped in a dead-end situation wherein you can’t help other people not to talk about your friend negatively or maliciously, the least that you can do is SHUT UP.
3) If curiosity seems to kill you, be honest and straightforward to ask your friend about the issue.
4) Respect your friend’s choice not to share anything and everything to you. There’s what you call proper timing. Don’t worry, it won’t make you less of a friend.
5) Betrayal in any form is not acceptable. Once betrayed, expect that you’ll be permanently considered NON-existent just like a low-life living creature!
6) No amount of apology can ever bring back a friendship.
7) I don’t get mad… I TRY not to get EVEN (God help me on this!)
8) You’ll hear nothing much from me, just be ready for the ultimate cold shoulder treatment! As cold as a dead corpse.
9) I don’t take back in the TRASH that I’ve thrown away!
10) I can still wish these trashes to be recycled by others though. J

One month & going strong...

Akala ko noon sa taong mahal mo, kapag nasaktan ka at umiyak nang sobra, sa hiwalayan ang ending n’yo. Akala ko noon, kapag naghiwalay kayo ng mahal mo (ano man ang dahilan), yun lang ang dahilan para lubusan kang makaramdam ng sobrang hinagpis at sakit.

Nagkamali ako… may mga pagkakataong hindi kayo nagkakaintindihan o kaya nama’y may mga problema na sobrang nakakasakit ng damdamin ng bawa’t isa, pero hindi naman ibig sabihin ay KAILANGAN n’yo nang maghiwalay. Maski pa gaano kasakit ang nararamdaman n’yo, hindi naman nawawala agad ang pagmamahal sa isa’t isa. Buti na lang I held on… hehehe…

I still feel that everyday is still a learning experience with life and love… I thank God I found you…

Too Dark for a Black Saturday

15 April 2006
Black Saturday

It has been a week full of agony and misery. I try to pause and look back, what have I done? Why do these things happen? All the while I thought I could be as happy as I imagined… amidst all the troubles inside my world because I have you with me. It hurts to see you in pain… losing your belief in yourself and your confidence. But what pains me more is seeing you get so consumed with the harsh reality of life – what just happened to you. I’d like to think that at the end of the day, it will ultimately be up to you to bounce-back and pull yourself together. Sure you need time to be alone, to think things over, to reflect even… so you can face the world again, so you can continue to live and to love. No matter how rough times get, these challenges are telling us to be on our toes and continue the fight. Easier said than done – I know – but the work doesn’t end there especially when there’s someone sharing the world with you.

I’d still like to believe that I’m sharing that real with you. I know neither of us wanted things to be this way. I’d like to face each and every obstacle head-on but I can’t do this alone. The love that I selflessly committed to you cannot simply withstand the rain all by itself. I professed my love for you believing that we started sharing our lives together – our dreams and even our fears. But where are you now? Each day I try to get the much needed strength to survive and carry on with the next. Hoping to finally find you there – to work things out and make everything all right. I don’t know for how long I’ll keep on believing… I’ll keep on hoping… that anytime soon, things will be back the way they used to be.

I really can’t believe where I can get the will to continue to hold on to our love. I don’t want to think that I may have given so much – so much so it hurts a lot. I also don’t want to think that I may have not been the person lately you wanted to love. A lot of things are running through my head now but I simply won’t give up on this until I hear it from you.

Do we really have to go through all these? It wasn’t too long ago when we started things so happily. We said we’ll stay together no matter how difficult things might get, no matter what other people say.

As I burst into tears, I’m thinking of the chances we’ve been missing to clear things out. I wish it was simpler. I wish it was easier. I really feel sorry that we have to deal with all these. If I could only make things easier for you…

Never have I been so willing and eager to work thing out like this to the one I love. I guess in loving you came along the commitment that I’ve feared and avoided for the longest time. With you I felt free, became willing to take bigger risks in life and take chances. I know things are not always certain but with you I feel like I can conquer anything just as long as you hold my hand.

I don’t want to think that I’m starting to be alone in this journey that we started together. Please shed some light in this wilderness I’m in. It’s difficult already as it is but things seem to be more complicated since I don’t hear from you. Please let me know if everything is still worth fighting for…

Sa mga tagasubaybay...

I'll post more blog entries hopefully within this week. Been so busy with work among so many things...

Mejo marami pa rin akong kailangang ayusing mga bagay na personal... pero wag mag-alala, mananatiling updated itong blog ko once i get the chance to write everything... basta yun...

Isang Panayam...

1. Buong pangalan?
Jeffrey Umali Inandan

2. Anong nararamdaman mo ngayon?
Masaya. Naiihi.

3. Bakit yun ang nararamdaman mo?
Una, masaya ako dahil sa beybi ko… Pangalawa, naiihi ako dahil ang dami ko atang nainom na tubig kanina.

4. Saan mo gusto pumunta ngayon?
Sa banyo.

5. Kung may yayakapin ka ngayon, sino?
Ang beybi ko siyempre.

6. Kung may chance kang bumuhay ng tao, sino bubuhayin mo?
Si Ferdinand Marcos para tapusin nya na lahat ng dapat nyang tapusin at panagutan ang dapat panagutan!

7. Anong kanta ang lagi mong kinakanta?
Sa ngayon… eto “you were just a dream that I once knew… never thought I would be right for you... I just can’t compare you with anything in this world… you’re all I need to be with forevermore…”

8. Sinong katabi mo ngayon?
Beybi ko…

9. Kung papipiliin ka, sino pipiliin mo:mahal mo na di ka mahal, o mahal ka na di mo mahal?
Wala kasi mahal ako ng mahal ko…

10. Sinong gusto mong makausap ngayon?
Mga friends ko na wala dito sa Cebu (i.e nasa Manila or other countries)

11. Kung hindi ka ikaw ngayon, sino ka?
Isang scribe sa Egypt in today’s modern time.

12. Ano pinakamalungkot na nangyari sa'yo?
having to go through heartbreaks…

13. Anong kanta ang gusto mong i-play?
I’ll never go… far away from you… even the skies will tell you that I need you so for this is all I know I’ll never go far away from you…

14. Kung bibigyan mo yung mahal mo ng bulaklak ano yun?
Gumamela para makapagpa lobo pa sya! hahaha

15. Anong talent mo?
Ang corny ng tanong pero sige… kumanta, sumayaw, magluto (if this is considered). ay meron pa pala... magpaAMO ng mababangis na paslit!

16. Ma-pride ka bang tao?
Kinda lalo na dati pero ngayon di na masyado.

17. Anong bagay na gusto mong makuha ngayon?
Targets ng team ko!!!

18. Sinong artista ang kinalolokohan mo ngayon?
Wala naman… ay meron! yung isang artista sa Gulong Ng Palad kasi kamukha sya ng beybi ko.

19. Sino ang kinakainisan mo ngayon?
Ang isang taong di ko dapat kainisan dahil dapat ko siyang irespeto. Haaayyyy….

20. Anong pelikula ang gusto mong panoorin?
Madami dahil last na napanood ko ay Cheaper by the Dozen 2. 

21. Kung bida ka sa isang pelikula,sino gusto mong leading man/lady mo?
Ayokong mag-artista eh hehehe…

22. Kung di mo pangalan ang pangalan mo ngayon, ano ang pangalan mo?
I guess yun pa rin pero Jeff lang siguro (yung nickname ko)

23. Kung may gusto kang balikan sa nakaraan mo, ano yun?
Yung nasa Europe ako pero this time non-winter season naman.

24. Masaya ba ang kwento ng buhay mo?
Masaya. Kontrobersiyal. Nakakatawa. Nakakaiyak.

25. Kung papayagan kang pumatay ngayon, sino ang papatayin mo?
Parang ayoko kasi baka makulong ako.

26. Sino ang pinakaimportanteng (mga) tao ngayon sa buhay mo?
Of course given na ang pamilya ko at mga kaibigan ko. At shempre and beybi ko.

27. Ano ang pinaka-pangarap mong maging nung bata ka pa?
Maging doctor at news anchor. hehehe

28. Kung singer ka, sinong singer ang gusto mong maka-duet?
Si Stevie Wonder para sa isa sa mga classic at favorite kong kantang LATELY.

29. Sa tingin mo, bakit kailangang magmahal?
Dahil “love makes the world go round” cliché pero totoo.

30. Isang pelikula na talagang iniyakan mo?
Magnifico

31. Ano ang pinaka-ayaw mong ugali ng isang tao?
Mandaraya. Sinungaling at Bastos.

32. Anong theme song ng buhay mo?
Warrior is a child.

33. Kung pwede mong i-rewind ang oras, ano gagawin mo?
May mga bagay akong hindi na lang sasabihin at gagawin.

34. Kaya mo bang pakawalan ang taong mahal mo?
Honestly… ngayon parang di ko ata kaya dahil ngayon lang ako nagmahal nang ganito.

35. Motto mo tungkol sa love sa mga oras na ito?
Dumarating sa ‘di inaasahang pagkakataon…

Blues clues

Sino ang BEYBI mo?

single or taken-- taken. Walang aangal.

special someone?-- bitaw!

crush or in love?-- love shempre

anung ngs2han mo sa knya?-- ang buong “siya”

you want him/her to be your bf/gf?-- n/a (hulaan mo kung baket)

why?-- n/a ulet. Ang kulit

what if you're meant for each other?-- wish ko rin yan….

a "boy/girlfriend material"?-- uh-huh

turn offs?-- wala naman po

may nangliligaw/nliligwan ka ba?-- wala. It’s not proper anymore. See answers on above items.

gs2 mo p bng mgtnong ako?-- ok ra.

ok lng sayo?-- carry on.

seloso/selosa ka ba?-- minsan. Pag tinotopak ako

may pnagseselosan k ba ngayon?-- wala naman po.

pwede bang makahingi ng clue tungkol sa love mo?-- sige try natin…

ano favorite color nya?-- green

schoolmate mo?-- nope.

kilala ka nmn?-- but of course!

ngkikita ba kayo?-- at least 5 times a week

tingin mo, gsto ka rin niya?-- more than dat. Sinabi na nya sakin eh.

anung initials niya?-- secret! Di na pwede yan. Masyadong give-away na pag nagkataon!

may code name ba siya?-- meron pero di ko sasabihin...

describe your lovelife?-- …came along when I least expected it…

Some questions...

I’ve been through with love… with all the hurt and old pain…
And yet here you come in an ordinary day…
A smile… a text… a call…
Am I climbing up again just to fall???

‘Yan ang mga katagang nanggaling mula sa isang taong malapit sa puso ko. Masasabi ba talaga nating “tapos na” tayo sa larangang ito? O kaya nama’y pinagdaanan na natin ang lahat? Oo nga’t minsan nakakasawa na at nakakapagod na ang masaktan nang sobra sobra.

Bakit kaya ganun? Kung kalain ka halos umikot at mainip sa kahihintay ng isang “someone” biglang may darating? Kung kailan feeling mo hindi ka handa.. kung kailan tila napaka-komplikado ng mga bagay-bagay. Wala ba talagang perfect timing para dito? Bakit di pwedeng umayon ang lahat ng bagay, tao at pangyayari sa iyong kagustuhan?

Kailangan bang magsimulang muli sa kawalang katiyakan? Kakayain pa kayang magmahal upang masaktang muli? Mahihigitan ba nito ang kasiyahan mula sa mga nagdaan?

Siguro nga’y mas mabuti pang hayaan na lang ang tadhana ang syang magdikta kung ano ang mga mangyayari. Isa lang ang napakahalagang bagay na makasisigurado na maipagpatuloy ang lahat ng ito… ang kasiyahan ng damdamin sa kasalukuyan…

Cebu?! B?

Ang bilis ng panahon. Mahigit limang buwan na akong namamalagi dito sa Cebu ng dahil sa trabaho. May mga bagay na meron dito na wala sa Maynila at meron din naming kabaliktaran. May mga bagay/taong kinailangan isakripisyo para sa ibang mas mahalagang bagay sa buhay ko… kung kaya ako nandito ngayon. Gusto ko lang mag-senti kaya ibinibigay ko sa inyo ang…

Sampung bagay sa Maynila na nami-miss ko…

1) Sumakay sa airconditioned bus mula Ayala hanggang Edsa.
> Paano naman kasi walang city bus dito sa Cebu. Yung tipong minimum fare lang. Tatlo lang ang alam kong mode of public transportation dito sa siyudad: jeep or multicab, taxi at habal-habal (i.e. motorcycle -- not tricycle ha – na bumabiyahe at kaya ang hanggang limang pasahero!)

2) WENDY’s
> Oo walang bacon mushroom melt at frosty dito!!! Ayon sa aking napag-alaman, dati raw ay may Wendy’s dito ngunit sa di mawaring dahilan ay wala na ngayon.

3) 7-11 at Mini-stop
> Sa dinami-dami ng convenience store (particularly 7-11 and mini-stop) sa area ng Valero, maniniwala ba kayong walang ganun dito?!?! Oo! The closest they have is “C24”. My goodness, nakaka-miss din pala ang mga tindahang ito kahit na mag-aamoy fried chicken ka maski 5 minutes ka lang sa mini-stop or maski palaging tunaw na ang slurpee sa 7-11 hahaha!

4) Mga “walkway at underpass”
> Ngayon ko lang mas na-appreciate ang walkway at underpass. Dati, puro reklamo pa ako kapag mahaba ang lalakarin namin (e.g. from Paseo to Landmark) to think covered walk naman ang dadaanan namin. Sa sobrang init dito sa Cebu, nakakatuyo ng dugo ang mga pagkakataong kailangan mong maglakad.

5) G4. Greenbelt. Eastwood. Powerplant.Greenhills.
> Napakaraming malls na pagpipiliaang puntahan. Dito kasi sa Cebu they only have Ayala Center and SM. The rest are not comparable to the Manila-standard malls. Wala ata akong maalalang time na may “midnight madness” dito sa mall.

6) Redbox
> Ang isa sa favorite kong puntahan twing Saturday lunch time! Nakakaganda ng boses ang audio hehehe. Cebu has Pod5 and K1 but still nothing compares to Redbox. Syempre pa nakakamiss din yung mga regular kong ka-back-to-back-to back song numbers…

7) Ang mga nagkalat na Jollijeep sa Makati
> Napaka convenient talaga dahil isang baba mo lang sa office, mamili ka na lang ng jollijeep na bibilhan mo ng tingi-tinging yosi at kung anu-ano pa. I think 500 pesos per day ang rent nila dyan ha ayon sa kaibigan kong si Ate Angie.

8) TAHO sa umaga
> Maski sa napakaagang oras ng alas-tres ng madaling araw, may makikita kang nagbebenta ng taho especially sa mga call center area.

9) Mga TV shows na hindi available sa regional area. Hahaha!

10) Family and friends… needless to explain… (senti music on queue)



I love Cebu because…

1) Most (if not all) taxi drivers here give change to their passengers! Oh yes, maski P2.50 pa ‘yan, don’t be surprised if hahabulin ka pa nila just to give you your change. Sa Manila… needless to explain!

2) The city is just so close to nature especially to the beach! Mactan is like half an hour drive. You also have Danao, Dalaguet, Moalboal atbp. And of course, BOHOL is just a boat-ride away!

3) The food is so affordable! You can have a decent meal for as low as 30 pesos in your regular cafeteria set-up.

4) Special mention restos:
> AA’s for the grilled meat and seafood (try grilled KITONG da best!)
> CnT for their delicious “mang tomas”-less lechon
> CASA VERDE for their baby back ribs (mind you, the size they serve would cost no less than 600 bucks in Manila!)
> SUNBURST for their crispy chicken skin (good luck sa cholesterol) and yummy chopsuey plus rapsang wepaks ng nokma (Hi to B’ley and Omeed)
> THE DESSERT FACTORY for my favorite ‘kinamatisang lechon kawali’
> DING QUA QUA for their Chinese cuisine buffet at only 165 pesos!

5) Eto quiet lang ha… you know those TIMEZONE stubs on your AYALA movie tickets that you can only be good on purchase date? Well, well, well… here in Cebu, timezone folks are accepting even up to one month old stubs! That’s why I enjoy playing here.

6) The everyday traffic situation is too tame compared to your regular EDSA or SSH morning and evening rush!

7) The overall environment upon exiting the office area is not stressful compared to Manila.

8) You can get a whole body massage for only 250 pesos and a foot massage for 50 bucks! Beat that!

9) Most of the people I work with here are so accommodating. I can say that at this point, wala pang bahid ng pulitika sa sistema ng mga katauhan nila. Mas tame ang mga intriga at nang-iintriga dito.

10) Lastly, I love Cebu because I simply choose to do so…

… I’ll be home soon…

YM Status can be so controversial...

"Not at my desk", "Busy", "Be right back", "Stepped out", "On the phone" and "Available".

These are your DEFAULT (and generic... and boring...) yahoo messenger status selection. I don't think I'm in any way referring to any of these as 'controversial'. I'll further stress my point by starting with a brief background.

I only started to use yahoo messenger way back 2003 when almost everyone in the office had it. At first I was enjoying chatting with people who are just a few arms length away -- yes i know looking back, it was so silly! Eventually, ym became an inevitable communiation tool at work. There are things at work that you need not necessarily email someone about. Of course if it's email you have to be as professional as possible even when discussing things with a co-worker who happens to be a friend too. Calling someone is not always a guarantee that you can talk to that person and it doesn't give you the excuse to have delayed responses! hahaha. Basta!

One thing I've noticed, my ym contact list are mostly people from the office. I'll only add you up if there is an 'official thing' that I have to communicate with you. And for those people who know me, I rarely respond right away if the messeges are personal. Sorry guys... but those are last priority. :-) An interesting part of ym'ing is checking the status of the people on your list.

You'll see status written on different languages. Some would show mood or emotions. Others would put messages intended for certain people. Yung iba nga, mga parinigan pa ang nakalagay sa status! Parts of songs and poems would always top the charts! As for me, I usually get mine from the movies I watch or from the books that I read. These are things that strongly agree with... or sometimes, opinions and situations that I can totally and ridiculously relate to!!!

Here are some of those I've used in the recent past (see comments and controversy rating (via *****) as well):


1) Horizon is an imaginary line that receeds as you approach it...
*I wouldn't be fooled again.... hahaha!!!

2) Every problem is an opportunity in disguise...
*Trying to convince others (or myself even) that problems can indeed be viewed in a different manner... in a way that would make you feel a little better (hopefully).

3) The hardest thing is loving someone and having the courage to make them love you back...
****What's further irritating is the fact that sometimes you simply don't (and can't) choose the person you are going to love. In the ideal world, why would someone expect to be loved in return eh sya naman ang nakaramdam ng pagmamahal towards another person. I mean the feeling to begin with it totally 'independent' of what the other person might feel, di ba?! Basta ganun!

4) Do not shake the hand that will stab you...
***Just be careful in trusting the people you work and deal with.

5) You are a walking contradiction ... and I find it rather quite fascinating...
*****It's funny how some people 'walk' the total opposite of whatever they are saying. If someone tells you that he/she doesn't feel anything special (or romantic) towards you and yet would do extremely sweet things to you... aba ewan ko na lang. Pero guess what, minsan nakakaaliw din itong mga taong ganito! They add up some spice and mystery in figuring out where to position one's self.

6) ...'Cause just around the corner's not enough...
**Yes! I can be so demanding especially to those people I love and truly care about. Call it KSP or anything but the likes of me needs more assurance on almost anything. I guess subconsciously I'm expecting that I'd be treated the way I treat others who are dear to me.

7) I just came to the point where I couldn't remember any of the reasons why we are together...
*****Ayokong dumating sa point na sasabihin ko ito first-hand! I mean parang naglolokohan lang kayo neto eh, you're with someone tapos di mo alam kung baket. Eh good luck naman kung san kayo dadalhin ng relasyon ninyo! I always get ym inquiries each time this becomes my status... hahaha!

8) True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another...
***Masyadong high-level na 'to! Baka dumugo ilong ko... next item please!

9) In order to follow that heart, I must do the wrong thing...
****It's really difficult that sometimes, when we're inlove, we tend to do 'wrong' things (at least in other people's perspective) just so we feel satisfied... happy... fulfilled... inspired. But doesn't this make everything null and void? Wouldn't there be some feeling of guilt?

10) I have the worse thing to fear than what's in the jungle...
**And so I thought sometimes that my jungle (the workplace) is full of wild beasts... I came to a point when I realized that there are bigger fears that I should worry about... most of them unseen...

11) Sometimes you have to see what you are not in order to see what you are...
*This is so true... especially at times when you feel like you are worthless, ineffective, inefficient, unproductive, etc... it's looking at the glass as half-full not half-empty.

12) Just because you don't see it, it doesn't mean it's not there...
***How can you believe in something that you don't see... like love? At least you have your inner senses to feel it, right?! Just be careful, you might be assuming things wrong... oooopppsss... that could hurt a lot!

13) You are all that keeps me from slidin' into some dark place...
*****It gives me some sort of (immediate) relief to know that there could be someone or something that I can hold on to for me not to backslide... not to give up... BOX-OFFICE status ito! Daig pa ang Enteng Kabisote!

14) I wish it was simpler... I wish it was easier... and I'm sorry...
*****Nang sinabi kong di na kita mamahalin, akala ko'y mapaninindigan ko... sana nga ganun lang ito ka-simple at ka-dali... pero hindi... Pasensya na ha...

15) If some lives form a perfect circle... others take shape in ways we cannot predict or always understand...
**trying to form my life in the most spontaneous way possible. There's some form of excitement of the unknown. (I'm sure may mag re react dito pag nabasa nya... )

16) The abilities say 'win' but the attitude says 'lose'...
*Sayang lang mga taong ma-abilidad, matalino, may talent... kaso mo kapag buraot (pardon me) ang ugali, wala ring kwenta. Or moreover kung sobrang daling mag give-up, nakakapanghinayang lang...

17) (pandesal+ketchup+orangejuice) + (kanin+gatas+asukal) = ?
***Yan ang kay Aga at Kristine sa All My Life... My version: (Kaning lamig + Ovaltine powder) = Brings back the child in me...

18) Just tell me when to stop and I will... but don't ask me how or where it all began...
*****I'd rather stop loving you if you want me to but I cannot possibly put into words or reason why or how everything began... No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to figure things out. I guess that's just the beauty of falling in love, it just happens without planning or expecting things...

19) He starts with the answers he wants and devices the questions to get them
**Bad trip kaya mga taong ganito... pero sometimes ganito rin ako hahaha!

20) It is in changing that we find purpose...
*Bitaw!

21) Life is manageable enough if you keep your hopes modest. The minute you allow yourself sweet dreams, you run the risk of crashing them down...
***Some form or reality-check huh?! On the otherhand, I think I'd still go for dreaming the bigger dreams... taking the big leap... taking big risks... If i do and find success in it, yahoo! The bigger the gains, right... Yun nga lang pag lumagpak ka, ARAY!!! But it's all a matter of how you survive and how resilient you are. Just move on and learn from it.

22) This is not a game but you keep playing it...
****Imagine how difficult your situation might be if you are trying to figure out who's going to tell who first in the game of love! Yes! Sa isang taong mataas ang pride at takot sa rejection, napaka hirap nito. Even if you try doing the first move, you won't simply just lay down all your cards until you get some form of assurance. But what if the other person is exactly on the same page?!?! Then there's a big problem! You'll end up doing the waiting and guessing game who's going to raise the white flag first!

23) The easiest way isn't always the best...
*Pwede kayang "doing it the easiest way yet coming up with the best..."? Hehehe try ko lang... baka makalusot!

24) Sometimes it's the people outside your world we confide in the best. But once you do... confide, share with someone, they're no longer really outside...
**Oo naman, wala na talaga sila sa labas! But seriously the nice thing kasi when confiding to people you don't really know is that you start everything with no judgment -- blank slate. The challenge is finding someone you don't know well that you can trust!

25) Why do things that start off so promisingly always have a way of ending up in the dump?
****Oo nga.. bakit nga ba? Someone help me understand... :( Sobrang believer pa naman ako ng happy endings...

26) A clean break is easier. You can reset it... and it heals, and you move on. But if you leave things messy or things dont get put right, then it just hurts... Forever....
*****Ouch!!!! to the nth power! That is why having proper closure is very important in any kind of relationship (that you are about to end of course). I know that this is so idealistic but it will eventually benefit both parties.


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I guess that says it all for now...

Starting Over

This is so weird... I feel like a newbie doing this to think this is the 3rd time that I'm re(starting) my blog. It has been a loooooooooong while since I made this sort of journal. I guess for those people who frequent other people's blog would think that my blog entries are like "office memos" hahaha. HINT HINT: The things and the thoughts I've been translating into letters have mostly been work-related. Oh yes, poor me... what a boring life.

But what the heck, I think I have more time now to do this so I say whatever i want to say here hahaha! Just so my entries are organized (the way I would want them to be... walang pakialamanan please!), i'll put a separate entry on my first blog. :-)